K 歌不需要唱得好听，重要的是唱出心声!

went Teo Heng with Egoh, Junhao and Elwin.. crazy like hell! all the funny expressions, lost expressions, wrong words, not knowing how to read the words, crazy nasal cartoon tones, my horrible singing (Elwin and I just cannot blend :/) and loads of fun fun fun fun fun x infinity.. really, you don't need good singing (though it eases the hearing) BUT all you need is to have fun fun fun! and really, i enjoyed myself. 把所有的不愉快都唱出来！unhappiness, stress, sorrows, happiness, joys, love... sang it all out! i'm an empty shell now. a piece of blank paper. waiting to be filled up with interesting bits and pieces of life. again. renewed, and refreshed! tmr will be a new day! :D

Starting point

Back to listening to music to coax my brain to relax so that I can sleep at night. The last time I had to do that was during jc period :/ a level period. This is really bad.. I'm back to that same routine. Gotta kick it lest I fall back to a deep deep deep deep hole! Tired yet can't sleep. Shit.

I grew up, you see.

Poker face = successful. Not interested in playing those "I snatch your friend to make you jealous games." tyvm. (:

Types

Had a shopping spree with Celest this valentine.

Saw many different kinds of valentines on the street. Mostly sweet and huggy. Then again, we saw this couple at the red dot brew house, cold and distant from each other. Totally awkward between them. And I wonder, what exactly is Valentines' Day all about? If it is to celebrate, celebrate what? The prowess of Cupid's aiming?

Either way, I'm half deprived of sleep and half pissed. Bleagh. Hate going to bed angry. Shall watch a movie to get rid of the bad aura.

reminescence

looking back at previous tweets, where I corresponded with people who were once friendly and civil towards me, to now where I get a blank stare or a cold, empty smile. and I really wanna think "Heck! They're just passer-bys in my life!" But I realise I can't. I'm truly hurt by what they do, think and feel towards and about me. Sometimes I really wonder if I confided in the right people, whether my words have been twisted, my intentions misunderstood. Then I think, it's really all fate. Whether people understand or not, I cannot take it to heart. Because in the real world, there'll be plenty of people who'll rejoice at the chance of hurting me. So I have to be brave, and face these petty challenges. Now, I have to learn to let go. Master my poker face. Steel my exterior. Let nothing show. Joy, sorrow, pain.. I'll no longer let all these be shown on my face. Because to show raw emotions on my face, is akin to letting others know that they've gotten to me. From now on, no one will know the real me. No one. No one has truly tried. They think they do. But they don't. And from this moment on, no one will. There's no need to. Such is the present world now. Everyone thinks that they're busy. With their studies, with their jobs, with their troubles. The world is practically all about them. So no, no need to know what happens to other people. No need to. No time to. So leave it at that yes? There'll be no need to show true emotions too. No one will give a damn whether you're happy or sad. They only care whether their friendship or their alliance with you would benefit them or not. When tough times come, or when you're no longer of any significant use, you're thrust aside and left to fend on your own. Such is the cruelty of the world. To say otherwise, is akin to saying you're a frog living in a well, or just plain hypocrisy. Admit it. Cos one should stop lying to one self. Having experienced it time and again, I've quite given up on humanity.

really very tired. weird dreams and weird thoughts. and just simply not enough sleep. tired of waking up after every dream. tired of waking up (or jerking awake) randomly. totally not enough sleep. and to make things worse, I keep thinking about so many things. feel like i cannot breathe. tired of putting up a strong front. feel like crying. but no tears want to flow. it's like I'm dry inside already. No more. Done. I don't feel like there's a future anymore. It's just so bleak. I can't focus and I can't do my work. Feel so lost again. Mum said the other day that my face looked yellow. She said I looked like I had jaundice. Which is a sign that my liver is failing. Somehow, I really hope so. I feel like I need a reason to be sick. I need a reason to die. Perhaps, drinking has caught up with me just as it had caught up with my father. So perhaps, dying would be a better choice. Cos living now, is worse than dying.

Really need to 发泄 soon. All these things bogged up inside me is giving me sleepless nights and horrible moods and terrible focus. I want to be free.

What the hell

Supposed to be doing my politics essay now but what the hell. Have been quite religious recently. Keep thinking about the "Facing the Giants" movie. Really can learn a lot from it. Two farmers were praying for rain. One plowed his lands and planted the seeds. Another sat at home and waited without preparing. Whose prayers do you think came true?