really very tired. weird dreams and weird thoughts. and just simply not enough sleep. tired of waking up after every dream. tired of waking up (or jerking awake) randomly. totally not enough sleep. and to make things worse, I keep thinking about so many things. feel like i cannot breathe. tired of putting up a strong front. feel like crying. but no tears want to flow. it's like I'm dry inside already. No more. Done. I don't feel like there's a future anymore. It's just so bleak. I can't focus and I can't do my work. Feel so lost again. Mum said the other day that my face looked yellow. She said I looked like I had jaundice. Which is a sign that my liver is failing. Somehow, I really hope so. I feel like I need a reason to be sick. I need a reason to die. Perhaps, drinking has caught up with me just as it had caught up with my father. So perhaps, dying would be a better choice. Cos living now, is worse than dying.